Dragon of the Scribe











{June 27, 2012}   I’m an idiot – one change to change everything

No, I’m not undermining my intelligence – so much as implying it’s to blame.  Answers to a difficult problem are often as difficult to understand as the problem itself.  Like how I’m talking right now, I’m thinking too much.  Over thinking of how to solve this, or how to explain that.  I calculate every detail of my actions, of possibilities and what I do in response.  I think “I really should clean the pages of my math.”  Then, I debate about just keep doing what I’m doing.  Sitting in front of the computer, watching you tube.  Admittedly, they were educational – not the point.

 

I quietly thought to myself – here’s a problem you are now aware of.  Here  is something you have just admitted to yourself doing, how many others can say that?  The ability to put words about something of yourself.  A personality trait, a behavioral quirk, an issue you want to change.  It’s not easy admitting it, and even harder to say it out loud.  Here was a unique opportunity show people how I’m growing as a person.

I wanted to take this time to write this on my blog about how I’m going to change this small part of me.  Starting with picking up the paper.

This, for most people, seems like a small change.  ‘You don’t want to clean up the papers, so you’re going to pick them up?”  It sounds rhetorical and rather idiotic.  It’s not for me.  One of my biggest problems is lack of motivation.  Lack of motivation because I haven’t been inspired.  Pain, anger, rewards – they can only motivate someone so much.  At a certain point, they need a reason – an inspiration.

I need to want it.  So I’m doing this.  I want to visually show other’s my internal structure of my feelings. I want to improve myself as a whole, by picking up the math papers, cleaning the kitchen, and vacuuming.  Beliving that by doing so, I will become happier, healthier and continue to being strong.

 

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