Dragon of the Scribe

{June 29, 2012}   Sleeping Troubles

One of the worst issues I suffer with is my sleeping patterns.

I went to bed at 12:30 last night, taking sleeping medication to help me fall asleep.  I was averaging only a few hours of sleep at a time a few weeks prior.  Before that, I was averaging around 12 hours of sleep.

3 hours of sleep, near 24 hours of awakefulness  to 12 hours of sleep to only 2 hours of wakefulness.  I woke up at 5:30, I was in bed when my husband came home from work.

Knowing this, I’m too tired and it’s too late for me to want to do anything.  I’m sleepy still, uninterested, and exhausted.  My biggest fear is Leina coming home and being upset with lack of chores done.  I’m insecure, scared and drilling into a whole of hopelessness.

I don’t know what to do, I don’t know how to correct this either.

I know the pills are only meant to HELP allow me to fall asleep, they’re not suppose to knock me out like this.  I am going to stop taking them and seeing how my patterns change.  From there, I’m going to figure out what the pattern is and correct the inconsistancies.  For now, I am taking a day to myself to relax.  There’s no point in working myself up, and Christophe is being understanding.

Some things are easier to fix.  Personality traits such as irrational fear – I know about.  I can work on correcting.  When something like sleep is affected, it takes a lot more awareness, understanding, and analysis to try and correct.  It takes time – and it’s obvious that seeing a doctor about it was a hit and miss.

This is a positive story by the way.  It’s positive because I’m taking a proactive look into a problem, trying to understand it, and experiment to fix it.  If I’m still having serious issues with it, I’ll look for a specialist.  If I’m starting to notice change – then I’m growing stronger.

The other issue that I’m having, is why am I having such a hard time with sleep?  Why did my body not wake myself up?  Well, my dreams are a big part of this.  When I’m having a hard time sleeping – its nightmares as the base cause.  My husband leaving me, or me going to a crush, violence, horror or just plain worst fears come true.  Nightmares are often noticed by my husband.  I bark in my sleep sometimes, or chatter/talk.  When those ‘normal’ sounds turn into crying with thrashing around – Christophe usually wakes me up and moves me where he can keep tabs.

It’s a lot rarer, and harder for outside help when I’m unable to wake up because my dreams are too good.  Last night, Chris and I went to bed, strengthened our bond and went to sleep.  When I woke up, I thought the sun was setting.  Checked my phone, it’s 5:30.

My dream?  I don’t know. I remember it being more fun than scary.  It was adventurous.  Time stopped, and I didn’t want to wake up.

Sleep is important, regular sleep even more so.  I should also mention the hot construction workers outside my window tearing up the side walk and roads.  I slept through it completely.  Alarm clocks won’t wake me up, and the sound of a baby is also ignored.   No, there’s no babies anywhere near us – but I do have a Siamese cat.  His meow is the same frequency as a new born.  He didn’t manage to wake me up.

This is extreme.  The more I learn about myself, the better.


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