Dragon of the Scribe











 

I found my answer.

 

I don’t know where to go from here…. I want more questions, I want more answers.  I don’t know what else to find.



{July 29, 2012}  

You’re right, I’ll never be that cool. I’m okay with that – I’m rather happy being uncool, if it means I can dream about it.



{July 14, 2012}  

What is true, and untrue? Lies vs Fact. Do I believe in such things? I’m a skeptic at best, so the answer is no. However; I do have some theories about stories such as these, and why they’ve become so well known in our lives. The power of thought, especially on our fears, is extremely powerful, as are our own memories.



{July 14, 2012}   You have to see this Car

Echoes of Time Concept Vehicle by Janina Oberdorfer » Yanko Design.

 

This is inspiring.  Not only is this a beautiful car, but the very idea is so extreme- it’s genius.  I had to share it with ya’ll.

 



Sex is a subject that everyone knows about, but rarely speak about it out loud.  It’s ‘dirty’, ‘taboo’, ‘intimate’, ‘beautiful’, ‘sinful’.  Why?

How do I view Sex?

Let it be known,  I am not shy about talking about sex, nor will I deny my absolute love for it.  Like most things I’ve grown to love, I often do a TON of research on the subject beforehand.  I’m not talking about porn either.  Going through my teens, I was often intrigued by ‘mating’ animals.  To me, it felt more like a mechanical ritual, something that we’re programmed for in order to reproduce, nothing more.  For that main reason, I never thought of it as ‘dirty’ or ‘wrong’, but rather something we couldn’t help but crave.  No emotional attachment, no love, no truer reason.   I also understood it was an intimate action between two people, and sacred.

Theory of Love’s Not Real

However; I still remember a sex-ed class in Texas.  We were presented a question that went something like this.

There’s a house party, a girl and boy have been drinking and the girl has been hinting and hitting on the guy.  She says she’s tired and goes to a room and shuts the blinds and lies down in a bed.  The boy, who has been recieving mixed signals from her all night, is confused.  Before she falls asleep, she asks if he wants to lie down with her.  She falls asleep, and he has sex with her.  Later, she cries out ‘Rape.’

The teacher asks the class ‘Did he rape her?’.  The majority of the girls, and some of the guys raised their hand.  I wasn’t one of them.  The teacher asked those who disagreed, why.

I was one of the only girls to disagree, and this is what I said (I think).  I replied, no, it wasn’t rape.  The boy was acting on what information he had.  She had been hitting on him all night, invites him to a room, and then asks for him to lie down with her.  This is confusing, and he should not be blamed completely for his actions. The only reason why this could be rape, is that she passed out and was unconscious.

The counter-argument was “well, if she’s not responding – then why didn’t he stop?”  At the time, I couldn’t answer.  I now understand that a person can still  react to sex, even if unconscious.  The boy probably thought she was enjoying it, especially if she moaned and followed his movements.

I’m not sure how the conversation went from there, but I remember making the conclusion: Love isn’t real, and it’s especially true for boys.  They just want sex, that’s it.  I made this conclusion when I was around 12 or 13.

I also made the vow to not have sex until I was at least 18, and with someone that wouldn’t just be a one night stand.

Boyfriends?  Maybe.

I was never popular to begin with.  In fact, I convinced myself no one could ever be my boyfriend/girlfriend.  Who would want to spend that sorta time with me?  It wasn’t love I was looking for, even into my mid teens, I still didn’t believe it existed.  Lust for sure, but not love.  Still, evidence was growing to prove the contrary.  Couples holding hands in the hallways, kissing, being cute, why?  What was driving people to ‘hook up?’  This was something I couldn’t do first hand.  I hated myself, and pushed away anyone who tried to court me. High school it was getting harder to stay isolated.  I was still convinced boys couldn’t love, and I wasn’t looking for it.  I just wanted the attention.  I wanted to be with a person who I could hang out with and hold their hand.

The few boyfriends/girlfriends I had – the first thing I said was ‘if you’re looking for sex, go somewhere else.’  One guy was determined to break this vow.  After repeatedly telling him ‘no’, he finally threatened to kill me if he found out I had sex with someone else but not him.  Lucky for me, he’s no longer in town.

Then I met my husband.  He managed to break every false conclusion I’ve made since Texas – and above and beyond what I thought was possible.  Unconditional love in the truest sense.  He didn’t care I wasn’t popular, he did his own research on my conditions with Depression – he’s even had to wipe my ass for me.  7 years, we’re still together.  The first time we had sex – it wasn’t perfect, but it was sacred.  It was an act of binding, strengthening our bonds and connecting as one.  It’s not mechanical, it’s not horrendous or bad.  It’s beautiful, intimate and important.  It reminds us that we’re one person in two bodies, that we love and trust each other.  We’re together for a reason and not just another person.

Distaste for Tasteless

If there’s one thing that hasn’t changed, it’s my distaste for slut-talk.  I’m not sure what else to call it, and I’m not calling anyone a slut.  An example of this form of … conversation would be like hearing a bunch of girls talking about who they’d rather sleep with.  Not celebrities or certain guys, but faceless guys of certain races, dick size, body size.  Girls basically talking about their ultimate hunk they want to hump, and look for a new one the next day. There’s nothing wrong with discussing something like this, and most of the time, you can easily avoid getting caught up in ‘slut-talk’.   However; when you start adding in details that are NOT needed, start talking about multiple partners in comparison, start bragging about the number of partners… I do my best to exit if possible.

Cosmo is horrible for this – as is most magazines that advertise “Sex Secrets Here!”  It’s watered down slut-talk that you’d hear at a bar.

Sin for the Sinners

Of course, then you have the exact opposite of slut-talk to Fear of God.  Those who say sex is a sin to those who are unmarried or gay.  This has led to a few anger explosions on my part.  First of all, my husband and I weren’t married the first time we had sex, second of all – most of my friends are gay, and I’m bisexual.

Sex is not a negative thing.  It’s not positive either.  Sex is Sex.  Rape is a Sin – Love is not.  Love not in Marriage is a Sin, but Rape in Marriage is not (according to some beliefs).  You see the confusion?

Sex is like anything else – treat it with the sacredness that it is, and you’ll be okay.  Treat it like it’s a weapon, and it is.  Treat it with fear, and it will consume you.

Putting it all Together

It’s been 15 years since my first thoughts about my views of sex. A lot has changed, and some remain the same.  Sex to me is the subject of intimacy.  If spoken with respect, it’s no longer taboo.  I can have conversations with my friends, of any gender or orientation and it’s not dirty, it’s a simple conversation.  Sex is the act of truth, knowledge and understanding both biological and spiritual.  It’s not wrong, it shouldn’t be taboo and it’s okay to talk about.  It’s a subject that needs respect in order for it to no longer be taboo.

 



I have known I needed to get into contact with someone about my theories for awhile now.  Michio Kaku, a physics expect, who I believe would understand the concept I am trying to portray.  No, I am not going to write out the email.  Not yet.  If I don’t get a response within the month of July, I’ll post it.  If I get a response before then, I’ll post the original, and then the reply.

This was either extremely brave of me to send my personal data out in hopes of getting into contact with him, or extremely stupid.  I also know, whatever the outcome, I’m not giving up.

 

AHAHAHAHAHA

No.  This was EXTREMELY stupid.  The moment I sent that email,  I was really thinking I was onto something.  Oh stumbleupon, you work with the Gods, I know you do.

Literally hours later, I found this documentary

Horizon: Out of Control?

Which basically proves my theories all correct.  Damnit!

This made me feel like an idiot for sending that email to Profressor Kaku and embarrassing, as well as discrediting, myself.  What I did learn was something remarkable.

I am on the right track, and the fact that, while the information I’m getting is the same information everyone else has – I’m starting to actually observe.  I’m actually starting to observe the world around me, ask questions about how it’s presented – and figure out what’s important.  Key facts of what is actually being presented, and then piecing all that together with other data that I’ve collected.  I am learning, I am starting to ask questions now.  I also know, I’m am way WAY behind where I need to be to solve that equation.

Now I actually need to find out what Einstein was using in his equations.  What numbers, and why?  I also know, I need to keep doing what I’m doing, and figuring out what I can discover on my own.

The Theory of Discovery has been proven years ago.  That doesn’t mean I’m giving up on trying to do something new.



I’m seeing a very strong, very bad pattern emerging.  I gotta break it before it’s too late.

What’s the pattern?  Starting something exciting, learning about it, getting bored, dropping it.

I’ve done this several times, World of Warcraft, Knitting, and dare I say Puppy Play.  Oh yes… I’ve started a lot of life changing things simply because I was bored with it.

Puppy Play not withstanding – that’s more of conflict of interest at the moment due to life explosion.  Everything else was boredom. It’s also why starting a blog is a big deal.  I have a tendency to drop things like this.  I’m already starting to notice my inability to stay active.

I want to design the blog so it’s more “attractive.”  I want it to get attention, and I know in order to do that, it needs to pop.  I’m not good with things like that.  I want to create it in my vision, but I don’t know how.

So here’s how I’m stopping myself from abandoning this dream of theory. I’m going to write everyday that I’m at home.  At some point, maybe the blog will change.  I’m not sure when, or how – but I will find a way to make it more mine.

This random blog is brought to you by 4:30 am.  Good morning sunrise, pleasure to see you.



Best Of The ‘Mother of God’ Meme! | SMOSH.



{June 26, 2012}   Everybody is a Genius

http://cristianmihai.net/2012/06/21/the-portrait-of-a-writer-1/

I wanted to share the article with you. It’s underlying message is very powerful 🙂  Below is the following comment I left. There will be an article about this later on.

Everyone is a Genius

But if you judged every fish by it’s ability to climb a tree?
Well, you’d feel stupid too.

This quote is my favourite. It also took me 7 years to finally get what Einstein meant. It’s incredible what we don’t see in quotes that have changed lives. When we do see it though, everything changes. How we look at ourselves, how we judge others, how we perceive ourselves among so-called perfection.

When we get that moment, that eye opener of “I get this.”, changes everything of how we see the world. In that moment, you just understand what you need to do. You see yourself looking at you, like a mirror.

Your writing was absolutely beautiful, you portrayed yourself truly with elegance and wisdom. Thank you.

The Dragon’s Scribe.



A thought occurred to me.  Saying goodbye to my husband, I put my earrings on.

This will be a “so what” to most people.  If you know me though, its very rare to see me with jewelry.  I normally need a good, valid reason.  This is not typical behavior for me.

I thought about it more.  Suddenly, I realized I didnt need a reason to wear them.  The thought of wearing something pretty was suddenly became a new outlook of my perception.

I am beautiful, and I deserve to show it.  The jewelry is a mere reflection, a symbol of my inner glimmer of pride.  So small and ignored to most. 

Im changing how I view myself, and the universe is merely changing around my perspective to help me continue these patterns.

Serious about learning.



et cetera